Holding back and packing up

I'm sure that my wife and I have held each other back from making the most and best out of our lives at some point in time. We have been together for over 12 years. Today though is the first time I feel that I've made her turn down a big opportunity because it wasn't right for our family and mainly for me.

Today is the day she matches for a post-doctoral position to finish up getting her license, and she turned down the job offered to her in Virginia plain and simply because as a family, I felt it best we move back to Oregon.

This is a terribly awful situation for me because I feel responsible for shooting down her goals and dreams for my own selfish reasons. Whether that logic is true or not, it's how I feel right now.

The worst part of the entire situation is that we don't exactly have a job in Oregon. We simply are hoping something will come about in the next few months. Meanwhile, we need to pack our stuff in anticipation of moving back across the country.

sigh.

Don't know what else to say.

Bi-polar day

I woke up this morning with the sun shining in through the window, and the smell of coffee in the air. I climbed out of bed, poured a cup of Joe, walked the dog and breathed in the crisp spring air. Ah! Nice way to start the day. We walked around the block and decided to head back to the apartment.

I came back inside and the baby was running around naked, soaking wet, and stopped to play in the dog food. Then my wife came racing out of the bedroom, "I'm running late for work!" I frantically threw a cookie at the dog, tossed the baby in front of "Cat in the Hat", tossed a PBJ sandwich and apple in my wife's lunch bag, and then we all raced out the door to drop her off at work on time.

I then walked in the door for the second time that morning to a quiet house. Messy, but quiet. The baby went to her corner to play with her toys, and I proceeded my morning routine. 

My day is bi-polar. 

Saying goodbye

Today sucks. Our dog, Sophie, recently became very sick, and after several days' discussion, my wife and I decided it best that we put her down. The decision was extremely difficult for us, but we felt it was the best decision for everyone. It's been a very difficult day. Sophie was our rescue dog that we adopted five years ago when she was four. She literally doubled in size her first year with us. She groaned deeply when you rubbed her ears, she breathed heavily, pushed her body up against you, stuck her enormous nose in your face, and all in all had an amazing personality. By no means was she an "easy" dog, but she was so friendly, and quick to make people fall in love with her. She was our little bird brain, old man, rock star. 

 


Nicole and I both wanted to be there for her in the vet's office, which meant that we had to have the baby with us too. We brought our backpack and had her sit in there while everything happened. Exposing our daughter to the circle of life at 20 months hopefully won't screw her up forever. We told her Sophie was going to sleep, and to say goodbye. We left the room and Michelle looked at her, waved and said "Bah Bah". 

Tough times.